Legal Law

Husband needs intimacy Wife holds back

Guys in a tight spot, but it might be good to check out these areas:

1. What is the level of respect in your relationship? You cannot dishonor, demean, not help with life’s problems or daily household responsibilities, including children, and expect a willing wife. Webster’s definition of respect is to honor, to consider, to express esteem, to wish well, worthy of respect, to be of good repute, to treat decently and in moderation. Write down each of those definitions, list them from 1 to 10, and see how many of those terms you can fill in.

2. How to talk to him and present the problems? Rate yourself from 1 to 10. Ten being the best. The speech starts at the worst end as confrontational, critical to the high end of praise and worship. Presenting issues starts with always being right on the worst end to listening and apologizing on the high end.

3. What mood do you most often set for a quick fix or a night out on the town with romance in mind? I heard a marriage counselor say recently that one of her clients wanted more intimacy, but kept losing connections. His wife wanted to go to the opera and he refused to go. She kept asking him to take her until one day she finally did. When this happened, she started to talk back to him more, so he went out and bought season tickets to the opera and now his intimacy is much better even though he still hates opera. I thought this was funny, but at least it worked.

4. How often do you express your love and appreciation and do you ever buy her spontaneous gifts or do spontaneous things?

5. Does your wife need more help to avoid being overtired or exhausted by the children?

6. Is there a past problem or trauma in your life that prevents you from responding? If so, get help.

7. Do you have your babies sleep in the same room as you? This can be very distracting and can even prevent you from concentrating.

8. Are you a woman out of control who needs help learning how to be a wife? Which means she’s away all the time and rarely makes room for you or her children. If so, seek advice.

9. Do you keep your marriage bed unsoiled (read my article Between the Sheets)? Women need security and are comfortable being transparent. Do not say bad things to your wife and if you are addicted to pornography get it out of your life quickly.

10. Do you understand that women need romance? There are all kinds of things you can do in that area, you have to be creative. One thing I saw recently was a bag of love tokens. Each token had something written on it like, I love you so I’ll give you a massage or this token is for a night out. Make your own chips. Write love letter. There’s a book right now that’s a number one bestseller about nothing but love letters men wrote to women during the Civil War. Step outside in your backyard at night and cook dinner under the stars.

Certain things you just have to work on.

11. How is your hygiene?

12. How well do you stay awake? If she married MR. GQ don’t let the years go by and become Farmer John.

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