Nicknames for Babies and / or Lazy: A Top Ten List

1. Molasses: perfect for a sloth due to its slow and lethargic movements. It is also perfect for an obese baby or a baby who is on the verge of stupidity.

2. Champion – A good general nickname that applies to both girls and boys. You may have heard someone say to your son or daughter, “Well done, champ!” Or “That’s my champion!” This nickname also applies to lazy people. I was once at the zoo in the sloth section and heard an old lady say, “That’s a slow champ.”

3. Lil Man: This is for babies of the male variety. Lil is short for little. I would request a sloth if it had an eerie resemblance to a leprechaun.

4. Mrs. Hugs – This is a good nickname for a lazy woman who likes to hug everyone and everything in an awkward and scary way.

5. Poopy Pants or Poppy Pants: This nickname is applied to babies who defecate chronically and loudly and to lazy people who make a living trafficking heroin in their pants.

6. Princess: for little girls who look cute and especially for those who wear pretty pink outfits. This nickname is suitable for the type of female sloth that hates moving around and prefers other silly sloths to bring them food and drink. It also applies to male sloths in preference to other 6-pack training males.

7. Pookie – A great general nickname for babies. It hints at a baby with a quirky personality who’s always poking his nose into everything and getting into trouble. Also, this nickname would be suitable for the sloths who are always pushing their sleeping and unsuspecting friends off their branches and to certain death 20 meters below.

8. Homeboy: This is for the lazy ones who are on the dangerous side. A sloth with this nickname would not hesitate to spit in your face as a reward for entering their territory.

9. Tortoise: perfect for a sloth with a strange shell-like growth on its back or an ugly reptile-like baby.

10. Cutie – Suitable for a baby who has just done something cute or out of the ordinary. On the other hand, this nickname is good for a lazy male who likes to impress women by running two tenths of a second before passing out from exhaustion.

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