Arts Entertainments

The Best Titanic Jokes: Essential Reading for Your Cruise Vacation

RMS Titanic, when built, was the world’s largest cruise line, unmatched in opulence and luxury. The ship had every imaginable entertainment, including a squash court, a swimming pool, a gymnasium, a Turkish bath, and a magnificent library. The furniture was very elegant, and the dining room walls were paneled with extensive oak paneling. The ship was built at the Harland & Wolff shipyard in Belfast and, after a highly publicized launch, she underwent sea trials while sailing to Southampton on the south coast of England. On April 10, 1912, with a total of 2,223 passengers and crew, the ship set sail on her maiden voyage to New York. Four days after her voyage, sailing through a dark and cold night in the Atlantic, the Titanic struck an iceberg and sank two hours and forty minutes later, with the loss of 1,517 lives.

How could such a terrible tragedy become the subject of everyday humor? Possibly the culprits are the owner of the ship, the White Star Line. To quote his widely read advertising brochure produced in 1910 for the sister ships Titanic and Olympic, “both these wonderful ships are designed to be unsinkable.” Even during that fateful night in 1912, when the White Start Line’s New York office was told that the Titanic was in trouble, White Star Vice President Philip Franklin said, “We have absolute confidence in the Titanic.” We believe the ship is unsinkable.’

So this hodgepodge of tragedy, misfortune, and irony gives us an excuse to laugh at the capricious and fateful nature of our existence.

Now, let’s sort the good jokes from the bad ones (and there are certainly a lot of bad ones). The following are editor’s favourites, so please apologize if his own selections are not present.

* What was the last thing they said on the Titanic? ‘I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous!’

* What kind of cake do they have for dessert on the Titanic? Upside down cake!

* What ship can never be hit by an iceberg? Friendship!!

* What goes well with ice? The Titanic!

* What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? About half!

* The Titanic’s chief designer lisped. That is unthinkable!

* On the Titanic the captain calls a meeting of his officers:

‘I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?

‘The good news,’ replies an officer.

“We will get eleven Oscars.”

*Titanic was about to sink. The people on the boat were screaming, crying, running and praying. A passenger approached the captain to ask him a question.

Passenger: How far are we from land?

Captain: Two miles…

Passenger: Only two miles, so why are these fools making so much noise? I can swim that far easily.

Captain:…..Huh????

Passenger: In which direction should I swim?

Captain: Down…

*So there were some good things that came out of the sinking of the Titanic:

According to the news, the last survivor liked to say: ‘If it hadn’t been for the sinking of the ship, I would be an American.’

*Sign seen in an office: The difference between this place and the Titanic is…they had a band!

*Management consultant for crew member –

Consultant: To confirm, are we short of lifebelts or lifeboats?

Crewman: Both, sir.

Consultant. Great, we’ve made savings across the board.

*I heard when the ship sank…

So this isn’t New York?

It’s still better than Carnival!

So has the all night buffet been cancelled?

What hand luggage can I take on the lifeboat?

Mind if I hold your baby for a minute?

This is definitely the last time I book a cheap repositioning cruise!

Ah, so this is what they mean by ‘cruise to nowhere’.

We can’t afford to stay here for long. I have to catch a plane in New York.

No one reads my tweets, but if we can get one of the celebrities to tweet this, it’ll be in the news!

Oh, my wife fell overboard. Hold the lifeboat. I have to update my Facebook status.

With just one or two of these jokes, you’d be well armed for some light humor after dinner on your cruise. But imagine that you are one of the passengers of the MS Explorer, a cruise ship that sank off Antarctica in 2007. The 154 passengers and crew spent many hours floating in life rafts in icy seas, before being picked up by the MS Nordnorge, a norwegian cruise randomly crossing the surroundings. The shipwrecked passengers and crew kept their spirits up by telling Titanic jokes to each other. So, in case you ever find yourself in this miserable situation, it might be wise to remember more than one or two!

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