Recently, while sitting in the bar of one of the posh clubs of the Armed Forces in Mumbai, the topic of extramarital affairs came up. It was just deer talk and no women were round, but it was interesting to hear the men’s points of view anyway. It turned out that many of the men sitting and drinking Scotch were senior officers and some of them in their youth and even later had affairs with married women from the civilian world.

Most of the men related their experience, but I will say that they should be taken with a little salt because there could be some exaggeration in the accounts. However, it emerged that the general consensus was that women in the civilian world find a man in uniform, particularly a fighter pilot, an exciting proposition with which to have an affair. Perhaps this has something to do with the macho image of a soldier and more of a man trying to fly a Sukhoi 31 or a MIG 29 at almost Mach II per hour. Then there is always the curiosity to know what it would be like to be in the arms of such a man.

There is no doubt that the military officer has the opportunity to travel to a far corner of the country and in most cases would be single. Sometimes you are in an outpost and family life is not really desirable, but there are clubs like the planter clubs in Assam that give open membership to military officers and this becomes the breeding ground for an extramarital affair. One reason for this is the exotic nature of having an association, albeit a secret one, with a man on the brink of death. There is also no doubt that men like the officers who operate Mach II machines have makeup that is more reckless than the average man on the civilian street. This ultimately results in an uninhibited relationship that could lead to hedonistic delight. Experiences that many would not dare otherwise, such as pouring red wine over the beloved and then continuing to sip the exotic wine and even more.

There is also the added safety net that the lover in question would not be around for long and would leave after a period leaving behind memories of a glorious affair. I’ll add a rider; In many cases I have observed that relationships deepen and that could lead to a situation that both of you may not want. The inexorable world of passion can take you anywhere, because after all Lord Krishna in one of his famous quotes on the Bhagwat Gita had said “don’t just move without my will.”

If this is to be accepted as true, then perhaps most of these matters are in order and have to be done. This does not make it correct, but it is safe to say that it cannot be ignored.

Coming to India, the vast majority of cadres in the India office are from the state of Punjab. This is a state that has faced countless wars and the people are resilient and this translates into a cadre in the military that is willing to take risks. This also happens in real life relationships and I can guarantee that if you are in the south, the fair sex of that place like nothing else has an affair with an armed forces officer who is from Punjab. It also leads to lasting relationships and I have known of an extramarital affair that lasted 3 decades. That is part of the game and you have to live with it.