Sexual phenomena (like masturbation or gay sex) tend to be shocking and alien until we discover that we enjoy them. Similarly, once we experience arousal, we see the positive (rather than the offensive) aspects of eroticism. Anyone who is opposed to eroticism does not understand the nature of arousal.

There is a belief that we all need sex. But women experience neither the sex drive nor the associated sexual frustration. Men get turned on by sexual thoughts or discussions. Once a man is turned on, he can suffer significant frustration if sexual intercourse is not available. This explains why many erotic fiction writers are women. Female arousal is like a pool deep within a woman’s subconscious that she can dive into from time to time.

As a mature woman, I find that while the correct anatomy (clitoris and entrance to the vagina or rectum) is stimulated, orgasm occurs predictably. But if I’m aiming for orgasm, I need to block out the physical world to focus on the sensations inside my body and when achieving mental excitement.

During sex, I need time for my mind to tune into the sensations of being stimulated. During masturbation, I have to spend considerable time thinking about a fantasy that will set me in motion. Sometimes I have to give up! I only have about twenty fantasy scenarios (mostly derived from erotic fiction) that I have used to orgasm over the years. Of these, I use only 4 or 5 on a regular basis. The one I’ve used most often comes from male homosexual erotic fiction that I read when I was still a teenager.

Before contemplating orgasm (alone or with a lover) I need to feel some genital sensation in response to thinking of an erotic scenario. I feel a sensation of excitement, perhaps an increase in my heart rate or breathing. When I stimulate my clitoris I can feel a slight tingling sensation. Mentally I am able to find intrinsically erotic and attractive aspects of sexual scenarios. If I’m not “in the mood,” then the idea of ​​sexual activity doesn’t do anything to me and the fantasies that would normally turn me on can seem quite boring.

A woman has to work her way to orgasm at every stage with studied concentration. At no time is orgasm inevitable, except once it is already happening. I cannot see how female orgasm is possible while I sleep because it is very hard work even when I am wide awake. But also the psychological environment of dreams is not concentrated enough to lead to orgasm. I rarely have sexual dreams, but if I do, they are romantic scenarios based on the perspective of vaginal intercourse. Interestingly, I never dream about my masturbation fantasies or my own sexual relationship.