Well, the dogs of summer are here, but even some dogs don’t believe it. Several of them came up to me and said, “Hey, what about the heat?” I do not know. I don’t usually talk about the weather, unless there is nothing else to talk about.

Have you ever been on the phone with someone for a while and suddenly start talking about the weather? That’s a sure sign that your conversation is coming to an end. It’s a blessing sometimes, because you’ve really had enough of hearing about this person’s gallbladder operation. So, hearing how the tornado ripped off your roof, it’s almost refreshing.

But, it’s hot out there and this brought to mind a classic comedy that Johnny Carson used to do, of The Tonight Show fame. In his opening monologue, he would say something like, “Wow, it’s cold today.” And the audience shouted, almost in unison: “How cold was it?” And Johnny was smiling, because he knew he got the audience to help him put together his joke. Then something like, “It was so cold outside, I leaned against my car and ripped my pants.” The laughter continued.

So, with that in mind, and in honor of a comedy legend, here are ten responses that Johnny could have responded to to the audience had he said, “Wow, it’s hot out there.” And the audience would respond with “How hot is it?” Johnny would then say, “Wow, it’s so hot …

1. Not only can you fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you can also toast the English muffin.

2. Your odor eaters have sent a white flag.

3. Amy Winehouse was seen drinking antifreeze.

4. The greyhound on the side of the bus is carrying a bottle of Gatorade.

5. At the beach, you can get sunburned underwater.

6. The onion rings you have under your arm are not from Burger King.

7. Fire ants carry personal fans.

8. Your GPS keeps telling you to drive to Canada.

9. A-Rod stopped being in love with Madonna and started dating the man in good spirits.

10. The hardware store is selling thermometers with Fahrenheit, Celsius and Holy Crap readings! “

No matter how you spell it, the heat is on (Glen Frey 1985). So thanks, Johnny, for all the laughs. We miss you a lot.