When it comes to commercial vehicles, this monster is like an apparition; like the delusional fantasy of a drug-crazed van driver. Should not exist. It has absolutely no practical use. Yet it looms, on the horizon, like a faster white spectrum with a blue stripe, hurtling toward us at a speed that a Ford Transit simply shouldn’t be able to reach. And guess what? This van driver’s fantasy has come true. (Hopefully it’s the only van driver fantasy that actually comes true. One fears the others are pretty bland. Sausages and mash on scantily-clad women; or worse, Little Chef restaurants.) This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Ford Transit SuperSportVan. And guess what, it’s not even for sale, which is why this article (or novel) is a complete waste of time.

So why would couriers, electricians, builders, and anyone else who might have reason to drive a pickup wake up hot and sweaty if they dared to dream of this completely antisocial four-wheeler? Well, what does a 3.2-liter, 200-horsepower turbodiesel engine sound like? UK van drivers give me a ‘Oh yeah!’ And how about a six-speed automatic gearbox, with an improved aerodynamic package, rolling stock, and the classic blue-on-white stripes? They all say, “Oooh! What a truck!”

Okay, now that everyone has been whipped into a frenzy, it’s time to bring them back to earth with a 9,000 foot bone-smashing blow without help. Sadly, this working-class delight is a mere concept vehicle that was prepared for the recent Commercial Vehicle Show at the NEC in Birmingham, just so Ford can show us what their expert engineers are really capable of when given free rein. That’s what I thought it was the Ford KA for.

However, the Ford Transit SuperSportVan was not assembled simply on a whim; apparently this truck has inheritance with a few predecessors and all. The long list of hot panel cars dates back to the 1971 GT40-based Transit Supervan; This was followed by a version with a Cosworth V8 engine in 1984 and a ridiculous supervan in 1995 that had a 650 hp Formula One engine. Now I’m not a mechanical engineer, far from it, but surely with all the aerodynamics of a Ford Transit Van (essentially none, I have a more aerodynamic fridge freezer in my garage at home) tying a 650 hp engine to a Ford Transit is Similar to trying to squeeze a really fat man through a really small jack flap, I’m pretty sure this is how aerodynamics work.

It’s rubbish enough anyway, take a look at this page, which shows more details and a picture of the aforementioned monster, and see what you think. And remember, it is not for sale, so don’t be nervous.