Almost every mom I know had heard of the Tiger Mom book and hated it. Not that any of them had read it, or so they said, but it was a bestseller, so someone must have bought it. What amazes me is how many moms compare me to Tiger Mom, and it’s not exactly a compliment. I personally believe that most parents today are overly lenient and under-disciplined with their children. While I haven’t gone to some of Tiger Mom’s “extreme” claims, most of the time I have agreed or at least understood knowing that she handled a situation.

My 6 year old daughter gets cartoons on Saturday mornings. She had to spend thirty minutes to an hour every day this summer reading and spelling. She was literally forced to learn to ride a bike without training wheels and still, after two months of lessons, she is trying to learn to float, let alone swim. I take her and the six-year-old neighbor boy to the pool every day. Her family just wants her to have fun. They are the older children who are still stuck in level two. My daughter is punished for not paying attention to the lifeguard; she is praised just for putting her face in the water. Not surprisingly, “John” is much more excited about swimming class than my daughter. She complains that it’s too much work and not enough fun, while I bang my head against the wall in frustration. Not that she wants her to be an Olympian, but just for safety reasons I want her to at least know how to swim. My family and friends insist that she will eventually learn.

My husband (a true non-disciplinarian) pointed out (after another mom-daughter disagreement about reading) that he never read books in the summer, but learned to read. I bite my tongue in anger. Yes, I’m sure he’ll eventually learn to read, but forcing her is actually my way of trying to impart a valuable life lesson to her: life isn’t a party, it’s a job. There are things we don’t like and don’t want to do, but we have to do. When she finishes a book, she is giddy with excitement and tells everyone what she can do. I want her to appreciate that feeling of conquering a difficult task, of knowing that she accomplished something. And, of course, there is the discipline factor. I’m the toughest boss she’ll ever have. She is going to have to learn to work for and with people who annoy her, anger her, and yell at her. I want her to be tough, independent, and confident that if she can handle mom, she can handle anything.

I try to embrace more and ask for less; It doesn’t come naturally to me. My husband, however, can’t resist spontaneous hugs throughout the day. They are always playing games of tickling, rock paper scissors and making silly faces at each other. He is the fun dad; she sits on his lap, they snuggle and watch cartoons together and color pictures. That’s a good thing and I know she needs fun things in her life. But she is always mom whose approval she seeks; it is mom’s eyes that she sees for the first time when she walks into a room. In her defiant mood, she will attempt to stare at me, sometimes lasting two minutes before her head droops in submission. Some people think I’m trying to take the fighting spirit out of her, I’m not. But life is a jungle and right now she is in my jungle and I am the biggest lion. Her willingness to test and challenge inspires me with pride and respect, even as I repeatedly demonstrate my dominance.

Not everyone views my daughter and I’s relationship in a positive light and there is no doubt that sometimes she probably wishes she had been adopted by a different mom. But she loves me fiercely, as I love her. My hugs, smiles, and nods of approval may be few, but they are significant. Someday, she will understand. I look forward to the time when I can hold her grown-up hand in mine and she can caress my gnarled fingers and say, “Mom, you were tough but fair. You made me the hard-working, thoughtful, insightful, and honest woman I’m proud to be.” . Thanks”. And with tears in my eyes, I will smile and give him a hug. A really long one.