I love men’s jokes. I think there is possibly a kernel of truth to each, even though I know they don’t apply to me. . . well, not all, anyway.
Here are my top 12 guy jokes:
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? – Does it ever happen?
How can you know that soap operas are fictional? In real life, men are not affectionate outside of bed.
What was Colonel Sanders like a typical man? All she cared about were her legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being in a singles bar different from going to the circus? In the circus, clowns don’t talk.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They are hard to start, they give off bad odors, and they don’t work half the time.
What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train
What is the thinnest book in the world? What men know about women.
How to know if a man is excited? He is breathing.
What is the difference between men and government bonds? mature bonds
How do you save a man from drowning? Get your foot off his head.
What is a man’s idea of doing housework? Raising the feet of him so you can suck under.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? Stop snorkeling before it starts.
Babe Lehrer in his book, Men, they just don’t get it!, which has some wonderful short stories by women, also has some quotes by men that I really like. They are not really jokes. They are more like comments.
Here are five quotes from Men, they just don’t get it!
The problem with some women is that they get excited over nothing and then marry him!
Women don’t cheat on men, most of them are do-it-yourself types.
On birthdays, the wise husband forgets the past, but never the present.
What do you do when your boyfriend leaves? He closes the door.
No husband has ever been shot while washing dishes.
Finally, I have an observation from my wife. I have been known to yell after consuming caffeine. Peg stopped me in my tracks one morning by saying, “You know, one more cup of coffee and I can legally kill you.”
